Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter (AKA: Cleaning A Teenage Boy’s Room)

I may not recover from this.

My son just graduated from highschool and decided to live at his dad’s house for a while, mostly so he could stay up all night gaming, sleep til 1pm and NEVER change his clothes. Good luck with that, Single Dad!

I miss him crawling out of his downstairs bedroom and pawing through the refrigerator like a starving raccoon once or twice a day, and grunting when asked, “Hey, what’s up?” On the upside, I am saving approximately $20/week in milk expenditure, not to mention the water and electricity usage he abused with his 45-minute showers. Please do not ask me to speculate on what he was doing in there.

I love him. He’ll be back.

Until then, I have something I never dreamed of in my three bedroom house- a guest/sewing room! At long long last, a sanctuary. A zen temple. A mom-cave!

I asked him to pack everything he wanted to take, throw away what he didn’t want, and make a pile of things that can be donated. So of course he packed one backpack full of socks and underwear, took his TV, his tool box, a few bins of stuff, and his bicycle and left me a legacy of adolescent filth, a decade of legos, and a slightly goaty smell.

I think he may have cleaned that room every other NEVER!! NEVER NOT ONCE was that carpet vacuumed. I encountered dust bunnies bigger than a Pekingese, some of them had teeth (like the rabbit in Monty Python’s Holy Grail: “It IS the rabbit!!) The vacuum cleaner was in the room, as if he had made an attempt to use it before discovering its wretched futility. It was still plugged in. Feathers from the torn down comforter littered the room as if a goose had exploded. I had to pluck them out of the mattress cover as if cleaning the Xmas bird.

Things I found: (now then, if you thought I was going to say PORN, you are WRONG and clearly a perv….sooooo grateful for that….the horror….)

  • Money: several Christmas cards from 3 years ago with CASH in them
  • Check: Christmas check from Grandpa from 2012– uncashed
  • Gift Cards: $40 worth
  • Things from school that he should have given me and told he didn’t have
  • Millions of legos

I ended up using a shop vac to avoid killing another vacuum cleaner. And 10 plastic bins of crap later- voila! Mom-cave is coming into view.

I guess I am lucky he is a bit of a minimalist or it could have been worse.

Next step is shampooing carpet and laundering bedding (if indeed it can be saved). Once that’s completed I’ll have a clean slate and will begin posting pictures showing progress. I am actually in somewhat of a time crunch here as will have guests in one month and possibly as soon as a few weeks, so it will be soon.

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